Talking with your parents about their plans
A few ways to begin, and what not to open with.
Most adult children wait for a crisis to ask. Most parents wait to be asked. The conversation is easier when it happens on an ordinary afternoon, with a cup of coffee and no deadline.
Start with a story, not a form
“A friend’s mother passed and they couldn’t find the deed.” That opens a door that “We need to talk about your will” closes. Let your parent tell you what they have already done; you may be surprised.
Ask about wishes before assets
Who should make decisions if you are ill? Is there anything you want us to know about how you want to be cared for? Money comes later, and usually easier.
A short list to gather
- Where the important papers are kept
- The names of the banks and any insurance
- Who is named on the deed to the house
- Whether there is a will, and who has the original
If the answer is “not now”
Leave it for a month and ask again. A plan made under pressure is worse than one made over a few easy conversations. We are glad to sit down with your parents alone, or with you.